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sparkling_dawn
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Name: Hannah
Interests: My interests run along the lines of quality movies, quality music, classic literature, fantasy, reality, and pina colada smoothies.
Expertise: I only wish I knew.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/4/2005
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| I sort of forgot I had this blog thing! *looks around* It's pretty cool, no? So, I suppose college puts creative writing out of my mind (I am, after all, and English major: I squeeze meaning out of other people's creative spoutings). But, it is now summer, as most of you are probably well aware, and summer has put me in a mood to entertain myself. Sad that that was the motive that finally got me back into my blogging mood: The need to entertain myself. I mean, one can only stare at one's inbox (in a wonderfully focused attempt to manifest new messages in it) for so long without become abjectly disheartened. So, in a way, this is just an attempt at giving myself something to do in the rapidly narrowing world of the Internet (even Facebook only gets you so far).
In another way, though, I think it's just been too long since I've tried flexing my creative muscles. I don't think I've really created something in a long while. No writing (other than sparse journal entries), no music-making, no sketching -- my usual expressive outlets got neglected over the past college year, during which I legitimately didn't really have time for them. But that's sad to me. I can feel it eating at me. Creativity scratching to be let out! Not that I really find myself to be the most creative of persons. In fact, I would consider myself rather low on the Creative-People Hierarchy. I've resigned it to my sister for the most part. College hasn't helped that impulse, either. All those musicians making beautiful music, all those artists making beautiful art -- and what am I doing? Organizing events?? Yeah, that's me, Miss Social People-Organizer. Yay. 
And then the little dying gasp inside of me asks to please be allowed to be let into the "Creative Endeavor." My idol, my little god. Or maybe not, maybe it's just part of me that should be let out. I mean, one can only listen to so much of "Moulin Rouge" or Asher Payne or Sarah; one can only read so much of other people's poetry; one can only stare longingly at one's own sketches from years past without becoming really miserable. Because one was also made to sing and to lyricize and to pour one's soul onto canvas. And if one is going to ignore that, one is going to wake up one day and realize some part of her is gone.
So, I decided to write again. Just to kind of grease the axle. Or whatever the heck the phrase is. And I decided to use Xanga because there's at least the concept existing of my ramblings being actually read by someone other than me, so it has to be at least a little better than absolute drivel.
There it is: Here is my fresh attempt at awakening inside myself something that is forcefully there but frustratingly asleep -- something that is the very breath of God in man -- creativity. Or maybe it's just the fruit of summer boredom. Maybe.
But maybe, just maybe, this is me contributing to the Creative Endeavor.
"To quote from Whitman, 'O me! O life!... of the questions of these
recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled
with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?' Answer. That you
are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes
on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on and
you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" -Dead Poets
Society
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| So, there was this point, in the first week of being a college student, where my future stretched before me in two distinct paths: one, a path of comfort and futility, stretching to nothingness. The other a path of meaning, of purpose, of VICTORY!
To run for president or not to run for president?
That was the question.
I ran.
Yes, so it wasn't exactly the world-splitting decision described above, but it was close. But I'm excited that I did it -- speeches were tonight and elections are Thursday. I'm happy.
That was pretty much purely a factual update. Sorry. There's a lot more going on in the area of relationships and phil0sophical and random analytical spoutings, but I need to study.
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| -A form is required if you wish to host a co-ed dance party. However . . .
- . . . if you want to have same-sex dance parties, you are encouraged to dance away!!
-The philosophy prof has an ulcer. Named Hyrem.
-Dating is highly encouraged. In fact, if you’re a senior and not engaged,
there just might be a problem. But . . .
.
- . . . sitting at a co-ed table for lunch just might lose you your
reputation.
-Professor Davis doesn’t know if Rihanna is a good example
of excellence in pop culture, but he does know that he really likes the song
“Umbrella.”
-The first (and often only) question asked about a person
whose character is in question is, “Does he love Jesus?” The answer to that will settle any other doubts.
-Don’t stress out when your textbook isn’t making sense, “just
keep staring at the text until random acts of understanding begin to occur.”
-“What you praise you get more of. What you criticize you get less of. Plus some bitter angst.”
-Your freshman fifteen is the fifteen pounds you lose from walking up and down mountains
all day.
-In men’s fashion, kilts are considered an excellent
alternative to pants or shorts.
-Guys play worship songs on their guitars all the time. To attract women.
-We may not know the periodic table of elements, but we sure
as heck know the five points of Calvinism.
-We may not know the difference between Einstein’s theory of
special and general relativity, but we can definitely tell you what the
preacher means when he talks about special and general revelation.
-We actually are smart, don’t get me wrong.
-Hope fills the corridors, zeal the
classroom, and Love the campus.
I love it.
“...We’ll climb to the
top and we’ll see it all before we leave...”
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| I never do this -- make the majority of my post Bible verses. (I figure your own Bible is the best place to read verses, and I always feel disoriented when I read sections of the Bible on people's blogs and have no physical or literary context in which to ground it.) But I feel like doing it tonight.
I love college. I have been through despair, ecstasy, desperate loneliness, bubbling new friendships, brokenness, and healing. And I've only been here six days.
God help me.
I knew the first few weeks would be pretty intense, and not like much I'd ever done before. And yet I've still been surprised. Anyhoo, the point being - despite the low times when I wanted to die - I love it here so much, I still can't believe that there is a college this incredible on the face of the earth, and it's just getting started. Fear of man, fear of my abilities, fear of the future -- FEAR is being dealt heavy blows. They hurt me a lot, but I stand up taller when it's done. So, I'll shut up now and get to the good part -- it's just a piece I read yesterday morning. Let's say it woke me up.....
"This is what the Lord says:
Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."
(Jeremiah 17:5-10)
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"If you want to know whether God is the God you have faith to believe Him to be, then go through your Jordan alone....stand true to God and He will bring His truth out in a way that will make your life a sacrament.... Determine to trust in God and do not look for Elijah any more."
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"O Lord, thou hast set up many candlesticks, and kindled many lamps in me, but I have either blown them out, or carried them to guide me in forbidden ways."
-John Donne | | |
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